It's now nearing the end of the year and I'm struggling to finish everything.
At the start of this project I had no idea how large it would become. I had no idea of how much work it would take, how much time it would take and how much energy it would take. At the start of the year I agreed to perform for three other people for their own degree shows at another institute - Edinburgh college. I agreed to three shows and turned many others down as
1) I wanted to keep performing this year as my honours project had no live performance aspects involved with it and
2) I thought doing three shows of relatively simple material would be manageable in addition to my honours project.
I was wrong.
I had no idea how much time and effort my own project would require. I knew I would need to spend a great deal of time in front of the piano practicing the reharmonistions, but I never expected them to be as time consuming as they turned out to be.
I also didn't anticipate how challenging the material I'd be working for the other shows would be. Hours and hours of practice was required to get the pieces to the required standard - hours that I could have spent on my honours project. As a result - by my own foolishness - my project has suffered. Where as I should have been able to focus all of my time effort and energy on my honours project alone, I've had to spread them over four different projects, each more difficult than I anticipated.
I'm not happy with the result of my project, and am also not happy with the standard of my playing in the degree shows that I've been rehearsing for. To make matters even worse, I've found that many of the shows fall on the same week as many of my honours project hand-ins. This is far from ideal, and something that wasn't revealed until very recently. As if my time wasn't strained enough, this is going to make any last minute workings impossible.
If anything, I've learnt that it is very easy to bite off more than you can chew. I thought three degree shows would be manageable - I was wrong. So very wrong. If I could go back to September again, I'd say no to everyone who asked - even those who helped me out for my own show last year. I'd focus purely on my honours project and make sure that I was working at it with the best of my ability. Sadly, that hasn't happened this year, and I'm angry at myself for it.
As if my time wasn't being shared out enough, I had a baby at the end of semester 1. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone planning on sitting an honours project. That alone, even without the other degree shows, has taken up a massive amount of time and energy on my behalf. I don't think I got any work done at all the weeks directly after my daughter's birth. She has brought me more joy than I thought possible, and has helped me realise what is truly important, but at the same time, I've been unable to focus on my honours project as much as I'd have liked.
Perhaps if circumstances had been different, if I'd waited a year, or if this was a different time, my project may have ran more successfully. Unfortunately however, it hasn't. The project is currently strained, and I'm struggling to get it finished.
I can't blame everything on circumstance - the times where I have been free, I've often simply decided to rest. The times I've come home from a long day of rehearsals or have had hours alone at home to myself where I could have been working, I've often rested instead. Due partly to the business of life around me, but also due to my own lack of motivation for the honours project. If I'd sat the project last year, or was even able to sit parts of it next year, I'd be much more motivated. Unfortunately, it's fallen on one of the busiest years of my life, and whereas I should have been able to focus all of my energy on it, I've only been able to spare a fraction of the time I would have liked on it. This will no doubt reveal itself in the results.
I'm not trying to make excuses - simply reflecting, and acknowledging that my own lack of time management and knowledgable foresight has let me down this year. If anything, I've learned from these mistakes, and will know not to make them again if I should ever pursue a large scale, self-sustained project again.
-Jordan
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